Earnest Ben cont.

Lucy left her first meeting with Ben in a confused state. This young man--her records indicated he was twenty-four--was perhaps the most contented person she had ever met. Maybe the most content person in the world. The records said that mentally he was still a child, but Lucy suspected Ben was wiser than anyone knew.

Therein lay some of Lucy's confusion. How could he be so serene about all of this? How could he be so accepting of his fate? He was quite clearly intelligent and he had known a life outside the Institute, yet he behaved as though this was the lot he had chosen and smiled his little Buddha smile.

Innocence, Lucy decided. He could smile like the Buddha because he had no idea what the Buddha had known: life is suffering. He could be content here because all he had to do was take his pills and live his life. He never went to the other wing, had no idea what else happened in the building. He was innocent and that was why the rest of the staff treated him like a child.

Lucy resolved to study Ben more closely. She had some favors stored up; if she cashed them in she could get assigned to this floor and get more opportunities to talk with Ben. If she could learn what kept Ben so happy she might be able to apply it to other patients. It would make her a better doctor some day.

For the rest of the day Lucy went about in something of a delighted mood. She tried to think like Ben might think, to look for goodness and assume the best. In some rooms it was easy. In others it was very hard. But Lucy tried. At the end of the day it made her feel good.

After work, Lucy kept her appointment with her piercing artist. The cold steel hurt intensely as it bit her flesh, slid through her nipple. She bit her lip to keep from crying out. When the jewelery was in place she felt symmetrical again. Lucy paid her piercer, tipped him well and walked out onto darkening streets without telling him that she would not be coming back.